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creaminmyjeans:

Bad Dragon

Ladies and gentlemen who like giant dildos, I present http://www.bad-dragon.com/toys, purveyors of fine, fine sex toys, modeled after aliens, mythical creatures, and real animals. Yup, if you want to pretend to get fucked by a dragon, they’re you’re go to guys, they even have ones that ejaculate. While they’re mostly aimed at the gay crowd (especially those who like really big toys), the ladies share an equal part of the blame, for the rise of vampire dildos. Big, sparkly dongs, which can be put in the fridge so you can imagine you’re being pounded by the cold, lifeless cock of Edward Cullen. There is not a single thing about this which is okay. You are pretending a creature of myth and legend is having sex with you, and that’s just weird. Before straight guys go start feeling good about themselves, Fleshlight have just released an Avatar themed toy. Yup, everyone is screwed up.

bad dragon doesn’t sell the edward cullen style sparkle-dildos, that’s another thing entirely. also bad dragon isn’t “mostly aimed at the gay crowd;” from what i remember, most of their narrative-type summaries of the dildo origins go out of their way to include male and female characters, because anybody can get fucked by a big giant dragon dick, like that’s equal opportunity??? dragons don’t h8 don’t discrimin8. and sparkle-dildos aren’t the reason “the ladies share an equal part of the blame.” and there’s not really any “blame” to be assigned. it’s just dildos!!!!!!!!

there’s not anything about this that’s wrong. or, like, maybe it’s wrong to want ten inches of strong, unyielding myth-beast, but if that’s wrong then honey i just don’t wanna be right. take me back to ancient rome and i’ll frolic with all the other heathens who have a thing for footlong satyr dicks. we’ll celebrate the bacchanalia and get drunk and fuck!!!!!!!!!! all day all night don’t try to police me i’m drunk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

seriously though, i personally am turned off by the idea of fucking a gigantic flared horse cock, but if somebody wants to purchase one of those, or use one of those, then it’s not really my business at all. no one is being hurt by these dildos (or, at least, i hope no one is, although this does seem like a dubious statement when we’re discussing huge dildos; it’s probably pretty easy to hurt yourself with a giant phallus). they look different, and feel different, and have silly little stories about creatures to go with them, but they’re still just dildos. they’re mostly made to break up the monotony of human dicks. i mean, have you ever looked at a line of human dicks? they’re all pretty much the same. and i love dicks, i really do, but come on, cut a gal some slack. variety is the spice of life! sometimes you want stuff to be twisty!!! perhaps literally!!!!!

even the vampire dildo, which i think is a little creepy, isn’t actually anything bad. some people think temperature play is fun as heck, some people like interesting colors/designs, and some people just want to get reamed by a sparkling vampire. it’s not got anything to do with you, man, and it’s not speaking to some great moral decay within our society. it’s not like there’s some prophecy going around; “woe betide the harlot who shoves a twinkling dick up her cooter, the end is nigh.”

maybe dildos don’t say anything much about the people buying them

maybe you’re just being a douchebag

^^^

Not my thing but I agree. OP is being an uptight douche & methinks they doth protest too much.

1. mynosylexia liked this
2. roxyshadowfang liked this
3. evilasplainasthescaronhisface reblogged this from creaminmyjeans
4. jgllt liked this
5. onedear reblogged this from professor-ponytail and added:

   I meant if the box had something on it but maybe its more discreet. Most people think these are just for the weird...

6. hellowhale liked this
7. vraiette liked this
8. leetotheum liked this
9. morgan-4816 liked this
10. lamppostluminary reblogged this from bronzebasilisk and added:

    Oh no! People enjoy different sensations? HOW AWFUL. Seriously guys. That’s kind of the point of sex toys. You get to...

11. psiioniicsexual liked this
12. annilylf liked this
13. howhighthemoon liked this
14. speshul-needs-medic reblogged this from killingkawaii and added:

    they need to finish making the crocodile already also op is 12 etc etc

15. killingkawaii reblogged this from supersizemysexysex and added:

    B1 I like the dragon and tentacle dildos. There’s nothing wrong with it.

16. supersizemysexysex reblogged this from catbountry and added:

    i wish they would make your buttcat

17. dewdropdaisies liked this
18. theonlyeaglebird reblogged this from wrywlf and added:

    I guess I have to maintain a rigorous...free of any deviation from what one person...

19. idiggiantrobots reblogged this from zyyllyhoo
20. idiggiantrobots liked this
21. misswinterssolstice liked this
22. robotlyra said: Who’s creepier? The person who puts these in their orifices? Or the person who needs to know and talk about and care about the people who put these in their orifices?
23. anarchicaccordant reblogged this from fistycuff and added:

    This post is dumb. It should be regarded with the same sort of mentality that you would regard a child throwing a...

24. fistycuff reblogged this from litemagic and added:

    the general premise that people are into some weird shit is news to absolutely nobody, and the specific site being...

25. manfiction liked this
26. litemagic reblogged this from wrywlf and added:

    how much of a loser do you even have to be to make a public post on tumblr whose sole purpose is to smugly judge the...

27. larmyth liked this
28. audio-sexual reblogged this from zyyllyhoo and added:

    Not my thing but I agree. OP is being an uptight douche & methinks they doth protest too much.

29. professor-ponytail reblogged this from onedear and added:

    ….whuuuut. That...there are no dildos with ejaculating dragons on them the dildo itself...

30. killallbronies liked this
31. pandazzling liked this
32. bubblypony reblogged this from creaminmyjeans and added:

    simpsons porn on your blog,

33. zyyllyhoo reblogged this from depressedpizza
34. onedear reblogged this from professor-ponytail and added:

    ….whuuuut.That may be...case but I would...awkward getting...

35. chrc reblogged this from centaurstestickle and added:

    enjoy yourself in a non-heteronormative way.

36. professor-ponytail reblogged this from creaminmyjeans and added:

    except that i’ve heard the ridges...odd shapes in bad dragon dildos feel really good in...

37. centaurstestickle reblogged this from equiuszahhak and added:

    harry and moirail

38. avubear liked this
39. fatsuya-suou liked this
40. leelandlovesyou reblogged this from fiztheancient and added:

    Oh my god hahah People like weird dildos Let’s raise a moral panic RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE

41. mymanesix liked this
42. pure-fucking-anger liked this
43. aboldcertaintyoffeelings reblogged this from barrymanilowswinternightmare and added:

    yepyep. also, op, you are a douchebag. seriously. a gigantic douche.

44. ghostheadbutt liked this
45. equiuszahhak reblogged this from spaceslutoopshwat and added:

    “my fetishes are fine though”

46. buttbones liked this
47. yellowcrown liked this
48. thekumazone reblogged this from barrymanilowswinternightmare and added:

    trial of the dragonnnnnnnn TRIAL OF THE DRAGON … omg bad dragon should come out with something called trail of the...

49. bootycop reblogged this from depressedpizza
50. goldenmoose liked this
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